Ah Ma, 愛你啦!
I remember;
You use to buy sour plums for me because you knew I like it.
You always pushed the plums 8-fortune container to me during Chinese New Year and call me 'kiam seng kui' because of it.
You use to come over to nanny's place because I refuse to go to school, and would drag me kicking and screaming to school.
You brought me out on your community outings to farms and such.
You gave me another hat-keychain because you knew I lost it, and was upset about it.
You gave me all your handkerchiefs when I was in Primary level because you knew I bring handkerchiefs and not tissues to school.
You baked pandan cakes for us, and I used to wonder why the cake you bake is always so green and has a hole in the middle, and tasted so moist and sweet.
We use to go over your place for dinner every evening, when we were younger.
You would make your all-favourites curry and steamed fish on occasions.
I stayed over your place during my holidays and would stare up into the night sky from the 11th storey, and wondered why is the sky so close to me.
You wake me up at 5 in the morning to bring me to your qigong practices, and then tell your friends, 'wa gai sun la!'
You would brush your dentures, and I would grin stupidly at the side, wondering how come you can take your 'teeth' out to brush.
I would stay in the living room with you watching old soap operas.
You would buy black carrot cake, youtiao, and 'tao huey' just for my breakfast alone.
You came over my house every weekend lugging tomatoes by the kgs because you knew I like to eat it.
You never got my name right and always call me 'kelly'.
How you beamed so happily when mummy told you that I got into Temasek Polytechnic, doing the course I want to do.
How you looked at me smiling when I shoved my toy doggy into your arms that one time, and then grin ridiculously at you.
and then.. It stopped. At first you came over every weekend. Then, every forthnight. Then you stopped bringing so much food over. Then you stopped bringing food over. Then, once a month. Then you started to take cab over everytime you came. Then it became irregular. And finally, you stopped coming over.
I was happy, because twice, i met you and, twice, you recognised me, even though according to mummy, you mistook her for my aunt. Your voice was weak, and it was soft, but it was certain 'kelly', you said. When mummy couldn't hear, she ask 'de diang?' and you softly said 'kelly' again.
I was happy, but at the same time sad, 'why you become so thin?' I had thought.
and of course, I was elated, hearing how happy you had been when mummy told you I found a job at mediacorp already, even though you were so very ill by then.
At our last gathering. I didn't talk to you, but I sat next to you and stare at you, while you were slowing chewing on the chicken wings. 'At least you are eating'.
When I saw you today, tears couldn't help by welled up. You were skinner than you had been the last time I saw you.
Were you in pain? I hope not. Was it a relief, this burden you can finally leave behind? I hope it is.
I was proud I am your granddaughter, and I am proud you are my grandma. I hope you had been proud of me too.
I had always been a pretty emotionally retarded person, and never good with expressing my emotins, but I had, did, do, and always will love and remember you.
Rest in peace, ah ma. 希望你能見到 ah gong 了, okay? (:
(:(:
WITH LOVE at Friday, December 04, 2009
Timecheck.12.50AM!
Have you ever stopped to question, what are you living for? Is it for your friends? Is it for your boyfriend? Is it for your beloved pet dog? Is it for your family?
Many phrases in my life, before I make a decision, I had stopped and constantly ask myself this question. Why, you ask? Because many a times, your answer to this question, can drastically change your decision, which in turn changes your life. We hem and haw, and we drag our feet. We hesitate, change our mind and are reluctant.
There is something that doesn't change though. What are you living for?
Me. Me. Me. My answer had always been 'Me'. For me, there can probably never be another answer to this. It probably IS as self-centered as it can get, but hey, we came to this world as individuals, we will leave as individuals, and hence, we should be capable of living individually.
I never realise it before, but this trait has probably been instilled in me since the day I was born. When I refuse to go to abacus classes just because my brother and sister were going for it, when I change my choice of secondary school(that my mum wanted me to go) without my mum knowing, when I change my CCA without telling my family, when I mixed around with a bunch of ahlians/bengs wannabes in lower secondary, when I decided to 'throw' away my ahlians/bengs wannabes friends in upper secondary, when I got together with a lowlife despite my friends' disagreements, when I went for my first piercing(lip piercing, I remember! HAHA) and got lock out of the house for the night, when I decided on my course that I want to study in polytechnic, and finally( for now) when I got a job.
Some decisions, are good(I must say!), some make me go 'wtf possessed me to do that', some make me proud, and some make me feel ashamed of myself. But then, I would not blame anyone for it, for they are decisions I made.
So is this a good, or bad thing? I don't know. I really don't. I am able to make decisions in my life for myself, I never ask someone to make decisions for me, I never waver(even if I do, I quickly come back), and I never blamed anyone for my mistakes.
And yet, I am never able to get close enough to friends(you know how some girls live for their friends? I wonder how they do that. lol). People never knew how to approach me(I NOTICE THAT OKAYS. LOLLL)
Then again, I don't want to constantly live my life having everything decided by someone else, relying on someone else and then putting the blame on the person when everything goes wrong. It's too tiring.
Kind of random huh? LOL. Well. Some events made me see, that alot of people grope their way in life and then break down wailing about how everything's unfair and how they want to throw everything away.
If you had someone else made that decision for me and it's the wrong one, don't blame the person, make your own decision from now on.
If you made the decision on your own, Suck it up and deal with it. You pick up your own pieces, no one's gon' clean your arse for you. (:
I came back from work at 11pm and still drink soup. Can you say 'fat!' please? AH WELLS.
Cheerios and mucho love.
From me. (:(:
WITH LOVE at Sunday, November 29, 2009
Upps!
I swear, I'm never gon' buy another male magazine myself again! T.T
Since I'm in the whole styling thing, and I've been doing female styling, a sudden random thought pop into my head a couple of days ago.
'Hey, why can't I style for men too?!' me happily thought. But seeing I have very little experience in men's fashion, I thought I should study how others style before I even think about it myself. and so, I headed into 'times', and after grabbing myself a Vogue Britain, I headed over to the 'Men's interest' section(which by the way, was really weird, because everyone standing there are men!) because apparently, Men's fashion doesn't count as 'Fashion and Style' since its not in that section lor. -_-
Anyways, I stoned at the section for a good 30 seconds to identify where are the fashion magazines, because apparently, men are interested in business, technology, women, food, current affairs, women, health, vehicles; have I mention women?
So, after identifying very unsuccessfully, I figured I better pretend to be browsing rather than just stoning there like a effing moron, right? so I grab a book at random(It has some men in suit on the cover page so I assume it was a Fashion magazine) and starting opening random pages of the book. *flip flip flip*(more like turning the pages since I wasn't actually reading. LOL) then I saw a heading of a article that says 'How To Get Your Women In Insert-Random-Number-Cuz-I-Can't-Remember Days'.
Ok, so that isn't really odd, because in women's magazines, we get 'How To Get Your Men In 7 Days' or something along that line, but please bear in mind who's the one holding this magazine.
So naturally, I closed the book, and as I made to put it back on the shelf, I caught a glimpse of a couple of the words of the titles on the cover page. Bedroom. Sex. Women.
'Ohhhhh....' I thought. Now I get why this salaryman standing next to me was giving me weird stares.
Talk about embarassment.
I eventually got a Men's fashion magazine though. Style Men. HAHAHA. You can't go wrong with that. There's another one though, but I was too effing short to reach it. I was groping away, and I still can't reach it. What the..
Talk about double embarassment.
Having said that, I also discovered a postcard in the Vogue Britain. At first, I saw the words 'Spearmint Bubble Gum. POP ME' and 'YUMMY!', I thought, 'Hey, some new candy?'
When I came home and unwrap the plastic and took a GOOD look at the postcard. Here's what it says 'NEW! EDIBLE BODY CREAM. Spearmint. Bubble Gum. POP ME. YUMMY!'
Here's what I missed out. 'Strictly 18 and Above. MAGIC INGREDIENT! BEST FOR XXX & XXXX!' with the tiny words 'In collaboration with Calvin Klein Underwear at the bottom of the card, and it has a 'Strip' Ministry of Waxing picture on it.
I'm sure you're getting the gist of what it is by now.
If you haven't, here's what written on the back. 'INSTRUCTIONS:fOR LOADS AND LOADS OF COUPLE BEDROOM FUN, DIP INTO OUR EDIBLE BODY CREAM TO MAKE DELECTABLE PARTS EVEN MORE DELICIOUS.'
Geddit? -____-
Talk about getting my hopes up. I thought it's a advertisment for a new type of candy.
Having said that, who the hell wants to eat body cream, I wonder? Spearmint flavor to boot. Can you say eww(think, eating toothpaste as it is man!)? Maybe chocolate or strawberry would be better. Then again, who wants to eat loads of cream, regardless of flavor? It's as bad as edible underwears. LOL.
Right. Last Saturday was my 2nd photoshoot with Melissa, and she was utterly hilarious when we're heading home. Definately the true, blue meaning of a 'complain queen'. LOL. First she complained about how her new shoes hurt and that she haven't bite(yes, she meant it literally) it yet, then she complained about how dark it was and she cannot recognised the way so I better remember it, then she complained about how tall the steps were, then she complained about her heels and stairs were not meant to go together. HAHAHA.
The whole time I was laughing/giggling like an idiot myself too, mainly cuz she was complaining about something the whole 15 minutes I was walking with her, and also cuz she look super awkward walking down the stairs in heels, like her leg couldn't straighten or something. LMAOS.
What a ticklish night. (:
WITH LOVE at Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Protege Moi
I.. was packing my stuff.. and I.. stumbled across my stampbook, where I keep all my neoprints(neoprints are those sticker pictures that hailed from Japan and was the fad many, many years ago, in case you've forgotten)..
I laughed.. and then I sighed. 'What happened?' I asked myself.
In the pictures, I see a girl. A girl that smiles so happily in every single picture(excluding the ones when I AM suppose to act cool/angry. blah). A girl that is warm and loves to hang onto her friends(and hug them, it seems).
I looked into the mirror, and I see someone that couldn't even crack a smile without looking like she's constipated. I see someone that acts somewhat standoffish to some people. I see someone that holds everyone else at arms length.
Is this how growing up is like?
Nah. Probably not.
Hah. I know the reasons for the change, and yet I question why. What a joke.
The reason. Two individuals, one after another.
The day I cut myself away from the first, it was the last time I cried, for another.. or at all.
The day I cut myself away from the second, the 'I' started retreating somewhere within, and I surface. I wonder when the former will reappear again, huh?
I don't even know if I should feel resentful. Haha.
Maybe I shouldn't, since I'm perfectly happy with the way I am now.
Nevertheless. Hello, you there within, I miss you, and I hope to see you again, soon. (:
WITH LOVE at Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Panorama
The ending theme song for the anime 'Gakuen Heaven'. I love LOVE LOVE LOVE this song~ I listen to it once and I was in love.
Speaking of which, 'Gakuen Heaven' is good. It's Shounen-ai though, so not for the homophobics. HAHA. However, the anime is so full of love, friendship, and promises, that I didn't even realise it's Shounen-ai until right at the end of the last episode when they kissed. AH WELLLLL. STILL NICE THOUGH.
Red-Romanji
Green-English translated(I copied it off the video, but since the ending theme ends halfway through the song. I had to do the rest myself)
Purple-Self-Translated(Meaning it probably isn't very accurate. HAHAHA)
'Panorama' by Masaaki Fujioka.
Kawazoi o aruku haru no yuuhodou
walking along the river, a spring promenade
kaze ni yureru yokogao nani omou no?
your profile trembles in the wind. what are you thinking of?
tama ni sabishisou ni kuchibiru kamu shigusa
you have a habit sometimes of biting your lips, looking lonely
boku wa itsudemo kimi dake matteru
i'm always waiting, only for you
shiranai furi o shite boku o umaku kawashite
pretending like you don't know, deftly turning me aside
mienai garasu no kabe ni kakurete shimau
you hide behind an invisible wall
yoru no panorama boku no koto dake sagashite
the night panorama, just come searching for me
jikan o tomete ne warattekure yo
stop time, and please, smile for me
sotto kono mama uso demo ii yo kamawanai
softly, just like this, i don't care if it's all a lie
asufaruto ni nokoru kimi to boku dake no kioku
memories that belong only to you and me, left on the asphalt.
---
fumidasu yuuki boku ni attanara
booast me up in my courage
sunao ni kono kimochi tsutaeraretakana
to be honest in this feelings that i want to convey
houkago no kimi ga mabushi sugiru kara
the you, from after school is dazzling to pass by
tojikometa koe kobore sou ni naru
the sealed up voices nearly overflows
kimi wa itsumo no mama aru hazu no nai telepathy
you are like as always, telepathy that doesn't exist
hodokete mo inai kutsuhimo musubi naoshita
shoelaces that aren't even undone, re-tie it again please
sora o miagete nijinda hoshi o tsunaide
Admire the sky's blur stars that don't connect
negai o komete ne futarikiri de
The wish to include just the two of them
marude maboroshi sore demo ii yo kamawanai
I don't care if that is an illusion
shingo ga kawaru made wa kimi o boku dake ni misete
until, before the light changes, show me the you only to me
yoru no panorama boku no koto dake sagashite
the night panorama, just come searching for me
jikan o tomete ne warattekure yo
stop time, and please, smile for me
zutto kono mama yume demo ii yo kamawanai
Sometimes it is ok even if this dream continues
mata ashita no owari ni ashi o tomete me o tojita
again, at the end of tomorrow, stop the legs and close the eyes
love LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE~!!
WITH LOVE at Friday, May 22, 2009
VK.
I've checked out a couple of bands which I never actually listen to any of their songs before, just because..
Before that, this is my highly raved 銀色灰塵(Silver Ash), which I'm rapidly falling deeply in love with by the minute. LOL. LOVE LOVE LOVE. Have I ever post the mv of the song which I absolutely love? Don't care, post again. HAHA!
Matenrou Opera. Awesome. Fairly new band too. Formed in 2007, but still really good. Somehow, feels like a cross between Malice Mizer and Versailles. =/.
Vidoll is old old la, but I've no idea why it took me so long to listen to them since I've heard of them since I-don't-know-when.
Dolly. Not really new band, but never hear before. As gay as their name may sound, they really aren't bad at all. HAHA~
176Biz. I am completely befuddled about how the heck they come up with a name like this. I was under the impression that it's a relatively new band, but apparently they have ALREADY disbanded after their March 16th oneman-tour. What? That's really too bad, I quite like their songs.
Megaromania. I listened to them in the past and didn't really like it, but to be fair, I was a little bias then cuz I thought they look like Phantasmagoria, so i gave it another go, and guess what? I still didn't really like them much. LOL.. Not because of bad music though, because its not what I like to listen to. Don't know why their music reminds me of Deathgaze. -.-"
Pierrot. Disbanded as well. =.=. This one quite nice. So quite sad. lol.
Ayabie. Everyone knows them. Enough said.
SID. Not crazy in love. but not bad.
Mix Speaker's Inc. I don't really like their music, but I love their outlook, and I don't think I need explain why ah. They are completely insane,the new Psycho Le Cemu? LOL.
You might need to brace yourself before you click 'play'. lol.
Pyscho Le Cemu. Weird outlook, They look like cheap versions of Chun Li, Pharaoh, and pokemon. LOL. Good music though. what a strange combination.
This video is even weirder than the one from Mix Speaker's Inc. -.-"
Novelis. Listen to them off and on, and still definately not on my favourite's list. Apparently they've disbanded as well. =/. No favourites from Novelis, and they don't have any PV anyway, so skipped! (:
Shoujo Lolita23q, another name which I CANNOT imagine come from which planet, Not too bad, not too outstanding. LOL.
And my new favourite(okay. not really, but you know, the best out of the new ones I've listened) Aicle~!!!! Mucho love!!!! Bao deemed them too psychedelic, too emo and TOO GAY(ya with caps) but I still really like them. (: I think it's pretty obvious judging from the number of pictures I put of them. LOL.
Same la. Another super Oshare. OSHARE OSHARE OSHARE. =D
AND AND AND. SUG~!! LOL. So they're not a new band. So I've talked about them before. But because I love them deep deep, so here they are again. LOL. I showed bao their new pv and she decided that she's going to 'rip claris fishball apart'. Sighs. LOLLL.
I guess you can get a feel of what the PV would be like judging from the picture, sooo... not for the weak hearted/colors/cheery-haters. LOL.
WITH LOVE at Monday, May 04, 2009
It's offical. Once again;
Takamasa Ishihara. Omedetou. (((:
On two things.
1, your graduation from the company as well as the establishment of your own. J-glam inc.
2, your marriage(which was concealed so well until most recently. LOL) as well as your journey to fatherhood(July!) and setting up your own household.
Looking back when you sung 'shindemo boogie-woogie', 'rock no gyakushuu' or 'kimi ni negai wo' or even further back, 'jisatsu ganbou' or 'meikyou shisui' in Due Le Quartz, really wow. That's really been in the past man. haha~
***If you haven't already realised(or simply have a nagging suspicion. HAHA) I AM talking about -drumrolls-
MIYAVI
AND PLEASE DO NOT ASK ME IF I AM SAD, BECAUSE THERE ARE ALREADY 3 PEOPLE THAT HAD THIS EXACT CONVERSATION WITH ME;
Me: Miyavi is married, and going to have a baby sometime this year
Person: Awww, you feel sad?
Me: -_-
I AM FREAKING HELL NOT SAD AT ALL CAN OMG. LOL. What makes you think I'll be sad anyway? =/. Why I can't be happy for him meh? LOL. The next thing I need to find out is when Joey Jordison is going to get married. LOL!
His spouse is Miyuki Melody Ishikawa. I'm not even joking about how freaky their names are alike. His name is Miyavi Takamasa Ishihara. See the likeliness?
Having said that.
Please check out this cute-and-colorful-as-hell kimono. LIKE OMG. THERE'S A FREAKING SMILEY FACE NEAR THE BOTTOM EDGE OF THE KIMONO HAHA!
As I've said, I've taken a strange liking with kimonos recently.
Also, I'm obsessed with all things glittery/golden/sliver/shiny/patent, and have been constantly trying to refrain myself from buying things that has a characteristic of the above.
I've taken to watching Inuyasha again. (no)thanks to Jessica cuz she mentioned it last night. TSK TSK. OH WELL. I'm heading off to watch it now. HAHA!
WITH LOVE at Friday, April 10, 2009